"¿Más CocaCola?" (Top Ten #2)

Visiting American restaurants in other countries is something that I REALLY enjoy doing. No matter where you go, there is the staple of our obese American society, McDonald´s. Since McDonald´s practically saved me when I was in China (after eating 10 days of only Chinese food, the Big Mac was fine dining), I figured that I would go check out the one here in Alcalá and see how much different it is to my favorite 3am spot in Norman!!

My initial reaction to the McDonald´s here was quite good. The inside is set-up to mimic a traditoinal Spanish plaza (unfortunately they were not keen on me taking pictures) with lots of seating and such. To my surprise, when I walked in there were two different tables of 5 or more older people sitting together like they would a coffee shop or a Waffle House here in the States ( stop laughing, I am having Waffle House withdrawls!!). When Aaron and I stepped up to the counter (speedy service is not something that you get in Spain) I ordered the usual, Big Mac and a Coke. Simple, easy. Aaron decides to be BMOC and gets the new, Spain Exclusive "American Burger" with potatoes and a ´te´. After he ordered, the young man behind the counter looked at him and went, in a way that is completely indescribable, "iced tea?", it was pretty much the best part of the day. He looked at us like stupid foreigners who didn´t even know how to pronounce english, much less Spanish. Awesome.

We got our food (Finally! It seriously felt like forever. They have seriously adapted the Spanish way in that sense!) and sat down and the negativity came rushing over me like the Red Sea on the Egyptians.

Top Ten Things Different About McDonald´s in Spain:

10. How many times have you EVER been to a Mickey D´s in the States and it not had its own building!? Seriously, everything from the giant happy meal to the train to the giant play place, always a stand alone building. Not so fast my friend, in España we don´t play by those rules. Since space is so tight and the ideal spot is in the traffic heavy plazas, we just throw them in there!

9. There is ONE positive thing that I think needs to be integrated to the American branches and that is the ability to choose your side item with combo meals. They offered the traditional (and so scrumptious) famous french fries, another type of potato that was kinda like the fries at Red Robin, and a, for the health conscious Spaniard, salad.

8. To enhance the "laid back and slow we are in Spain so get over it" attitude, all of the employees were in T-Shirts. Somewhere Ronald McDonald just rolled over. Who do these Spanish employees think they are? T-Shirts?!?

7. No Fancy Ketchup. So, this was not necessarily one of my complaints, but the blow back from everyone else in the group was that of an oversized and seriously irritated orca. Instead, here in the land of Mr. Columbus (that is the one who sailed the ocean blue in 1492, or something like that), they sport the Heinz ketchup, go figure.

6. "Is that for here or to-go?" When have you ever been to a fast food joint and you didn´t hear those words? It´s ok, it is a trick question, NEVER. Yet in Spain, we KNOW that you are going to enjoy it in our pseudo-fake courtyard thing because in Spain we ARE a family restaurant that only attracts the best and the brightest!

5. I don´t know about you, but didn´t the whole graffitti thing go out with Hammer Pants? Someone (probably MTV) forgot to tell the Spanish. Graffitti is everywhere, seriously. Shopowners have it all over the facade of their buildings, and, since they have already painted over it 62 times, they just leave it. So, why not extend that to the Golden Arches? There is, quite literally, graffitti on the walls, IN THE RESTAURANT! Yup, my man Ronald just rolled again.

4. So, you may remember my reference to ´fast food´in number 6, that was a lie. I should never have put Spanish Mickey D´s in the category of fast. Ever. There were only two, yes 2, workers. And, you know how, in America, you sometimes think that the guy or girl that is helping you is going to pass out right there and die from sprinting to the fryer and back to the fountain and back to the apple pie stand thingy and back to the register? Don´t worry, zero fatalities in the McDonald´s de Alcalá.

3. For those of you who are painfully trudging through this that live in Oklahoma, you are quite used to stopping at Midway on the Turner Turnpike and helping yourself to a bathroom break and a $.99 ice cream cone. A wonderful experience, no? Well, you would never, EVER, go into the bathroom or just relax in McDonald´s in Alcalá, it is the most dirty restaurant I have been in in a while. The bathroom, sick. I don´t want to even describe it right now, my stomach will not allow it. The floor was sticky and gross, the trash was overflowing, the tables were not wiped down, there was GRAFFITTI (oh yeah, already said that) on the walls. I can hear my cousin Whitney right now, "SICK." Wow, I think ole Ronny McD actually just flipped, is that possible?

2. THEY SERVE BEER.

1. At the end of our meal (and to Corporate´s credit, my Big Mac was Delic!), when we were done discussing all of the blahh-ness of the restaurant. I wanted to take the ultimate chance. I walked up to the register and handed my empty cup to the chico behind the counter. "¿Más CocaCola?", I asked. He looked at me, looked at the cup, back at me, at the cup, at me. THE INSANITY. He replied, "¿CocaCola?". I nodded. He threw the cup away and began to ring up another coke.

Ronald, I know man, where did you go wrong.